


Peace, Love, and Government Conspiracies

by Lortan



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alien!Bill is a sinister little ball of sunshine already and it's only chapter one, Alternate Universe - Aliens, Bill sit still for your picture, But this imples that there weren't aliens in the original universe?, Didn't you learn from Biting and Tasting?, Dipper why do you even go out in the woods anymore, Don't trust me to keep that promise, M/M, People have to be able to recognise you by this, Put those tentacles away right this instant young man, The BABBA is strong with this one, The slash will probably be very light, Which implies that there was an original universe to begin with?, alien abductions, probably
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:34:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21949651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lortan/pseuds/Lortan
Summary: As far as alien abductions go, Dipper is fairly certain that his was pretty standard. (Light from above, floating, unconsciousness, the whole shebang, very cliche really) His alien? Not so much.
Relationships: Bill Cipher & Dipper Pines, Bill Cipher/Dipper Pines
Comments: 32
Kudos: 119





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoy!

As far as abductions go, Dipper has to say that his was pretty good. It was standard procedure, he thinks, this opinion being based off of all of the books he has read on the matter.

He'd been walking in the woods at night, (yes, at night) looking for paranormal activity (he had a bet going with Mabel on the matter. An hour of peaceful reading, guaranteed, was at stake here.)

And he found it.

Or rather, he supposes it found him,

He'd been suddenly surrounded by the most beautiful light he'd ever seen, electric blue and flickering like fire. His body suddenly felt weightless, and he when he looked down, he saw his feet slowly drifting upwards, the grass and dead leaves of the dark path he had been following growing smaller and smaller he suddenly found himself hovering twice his height off the ground. There was a sensation like everything earthly was going away, leaving him there, abandoned and swathed in foreign light and a strange energy that simultaneously burnt his blood from the veins out, and froze his heart to a stop in his chest.

For a moment, he felt like he was pulled, no more like yanked, right out of his body. He could swear that he saw his eyes glow yellow and gold and deep space, black hole black, like a cat in the daytime, reflective and full of hidden danger beneath a fluffy exterior.

Then he was back in his own body, still feeling as light as a feather, still burning inside and out and heart still frozen stiff within him. Blue fire danced around him, growing brighter and brighter by the second, and his eyes slipped shut.

So yeah. Pretty standard, according to the books Dipper had so religiously poured over, absorbing every word like it was his gospel.

Strange light from above, check. (There was always strange light. Always.)

Done while he was alone, check. (Very few people had reported being abducted with witnesses nearby. Some, (Mabel) might argue that this was because they were lying. Dipper was pretty sure it just meant that aliens were very selective, or maybe shy.)

Floating, check. (There was also always floating.)

Blackout, check. (Well it was either that or he fell asleep. It  _ had _ been late at night.)

Altogether, it was about what Dipper would have expected, had he been expecting to be abducted by aliens. (Truthfully, he kind of had.)

What he hadn't expected, was the top hat and the bow ties. He hadn't expected that when the fuzzy feeling of waking up finally drifted away, when his headache faded and lights began to dance against his eyelids, he'd open them to be greeted by a huge golden eye, slit pupil blacker than the fabric of the universe, and a grin stretching across a butter yellow face, flushed with a strange sickly ashen yellow colour, like the sky before a natural disaster. A thick mop of inky black, which he assumed to be hair, covered most of the remainder of the alien's face, and what he figured were maybe ears were hung with shards of some black material he didn't recognise, inky chains, and shimmering spikes.

"Welcome!" A voice cracked, nasally and high and friendly and…. in human tongue. The alien jumped back, movement strange and jerky, its hop a little too gravity defying and energetic, and Dipper's heart spiked in his chest at the sudden movement of something whipping past his ear, black and quick.

The alien smirked at him and twirled the cane between its sunflower yellow fingers, nail-less and four-knuckled.

"Welcome to the Mindscape, kid!" It repeated, and thrust the cane behind its back, the angle it held it at just barely impossible for a human being. "You'll be stuck here for a while, so I suggest that you kiss your so called logic goodbye, accept that life has no meaning and that meaning never existed in the first place anyhow, and start practicing your bowing because I reign supreme here!"

Claims of supremity, check. (Or was this claims of superiority?)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hated markers as a kid, for some reason. This seems like an irrelevant thing to note now, but it will make sense later on, once you've actually read the chapter. Probably.

After being so thoughtfully being abducted by the yet unnamed alien, (Dipper figured it probably had a name, he just didn't know it.) Dipper had been abandoned where he woke with surprising abruptness. Apparently, now that he was sentient, the alien had decided that he could take care of himself. Which, surprisingly, was holding out to be fairly true. Wherever he was, it didn't seem dangerous. Yet. (Who was he kidding? Secondary locations were always dangerous! The danger just hadn't revealed itself yet.)

It was vaguely depressing, when he thought about it. All of that effort put into snatching out of the woods late at night, and the alien didn't even think he was worth leaving in a more dangerous location. Was he really that uninteresting, to be left here alone, no threat of imminent death hanging over his head, just mobiles and an unlit cast iron chandelier?

Whatever place Dipper had woken up, it was curiously reminiscent of…. Well, he wasn't sure where, it was more like a bunch of places crammed together. Like a combination of his room, the library, the living room, the attic at the mystery shack, and some unnamed space that undeniably felt like a home. Like all of the best bits of the places he loves squashed together. There was old wood beneath his feet, thick rugs, comfy looking furniture, and stacks of books with strange symbols on their covers rose up around him in stacks, some of them as tall as he was. Some of the lights were electric, but some undeniably held actual fire flickering and crackling behind their glass sconces. The floor was coated by items in no obvious order; more books lay open on the rugs, and the floor was further coated by stray papers and diagrams. A coat lay flung over what was probably a bed, tanned leather and far too big for him, something square shaped beneath it, possibly intentionally hidden but not well.

There was even…. Was that his backpack? He'd had it on him when he was abducted, but how did it get over by that suspicious curtain?

He crept over, waiting for gravity to fail him or alarms to go off or the alien's tinny voice to hit his ears again, but absolutely nothing happened as he bent over, grabbing his backpack and double checking its authenticity by rifling through it, which served the double purpose of seeing just what he still had with him. 

Alien head keychain, check. (Though considering what he had just seen, perhaps the tiny mouthed, bubble eyed motif could bear some altering.)

Shakers of rosemary, sage, and salt in the front pocket, check. (You never knew when you'd encounter an angry ghost.)

Water bottle filled with what may or may not have been actual holy water, check. (You never really knew until you met a proper vampire.)

Cryptozoology books, check. (And Mabel said he should be checking out romance novels at the library! Ha!) (Shit, the library. Hopefully alien abduction was an acceptable excuse in the event of returning books late.)

BABBA CD hidden in that weirdly hard to find pocket that every backpack inevitably had, check. (This was a crucial item. If Dipper was eventually subjected to any alien forms of torture, science experiments, or politics, this could be the only thing keeping him human.) (Assuming he found a way to play it. Maybe just staring at the cover art would help….)

Pouch full of pencils and pens, check. (Fuck markers.)

And, most important of all, no less than five different notebooks, ranging from composition notebooks to a pocket sized spiralled one. He pulled one out and flipped through it. It was a newer one, so it was mostly empty.

Still keeping an eye on his surroundings, Dipper semi-carefully ripped out the already used pages, and stuffed them back in the backpack. Then he fished out a blue inkpen from his pouch and stared down at the new first page, tapping the pen against his lower lip for a moment before starting to write.

If Dipper was going to be kidnapped by a dapper yellow alien, he was damn well going to take the metaphorical step for mankind, and for all other supernatural, paranormal fans as well, and take some bloody notes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls is roughly in Oregon, right? Do people in Oregon say bloody? I'm guessing no, but I didn't really know what else to put. Does anybody know some more, like, appropriate words to use? Like, not appropriate, clearly, but.... more American swears? You'd think I'd know know this but somehow I don't. Please help. (For that matter why am I even using what I use, this kid is twelve years old, why do I let him swear so much?)
> 
> In other news, I currently have a pet rat. His name is Morsel, and if you've never seen a rat sleep before, I highly suggest you do. Even just look up a picture. It just.... it's really cute, okay? It makes me feel things other than crazed, morbid inspiration and a vague sense of heartbreak, and while I mourn the loss of my inhumanity, I consider it worth it.
> 
> Finally, thanks for reading chapter two of this strange abduction epic! I hope to see you in future chapters as well! Feel free to leave a comment; mindlessly irrational non-constructive criticism is appreciated, as is anything else. Byeeeeeeeeeeee!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lowkey hate this chapter but something has to go up eventually and I might as well inflict myself upon you all.

The alien's name was Bill Cipher, according to what it told him when it first came back, and he politely asked.

Dipper didn't know why, but this bothered him.

A lot.

What sort of name was Bill for an alien? It didn't sound alien at all! Dipper was eighty percent sure it was lying, that or it had stolen the name and its current form like some sort of shapeshifting Faerie. Were aliens just Faeries in space? No wonder they liked to kidnap people and mess with their minds.

"What about you, kid? What pitiful excuse for a name do you go by?" Bill (apparently) chimed, breaking Dipper away from thoughts about the salt in his backpack. (Did he have anything iron in there?)

"Dipper." He responded without a second thought. It wasn't his true name, anyway. Just in case.

"What sort of a meatbag title is that? Did your parental units hate you or something?" The alien chuckled, cane twirling in its grip. "That's hilarious! Your own parents hated you!"

Dipper flushed. "It's not my given name! It's just some nickname everyone calls me, okay?"

"Why would they call you Dipper than?"

Dipper huffed, and looked away. "I see absolutely no reason to ever answer that, especially not from an alien named  _ Bill Cipher. _ " He spat, before looking back again, a mutinous expression on his face. "Stand still! Your arms are different now."

In his lap sat his designated alien notebook, a few pages now full, mostly with fractured observations, meaningless drivel, and crossed out theories, the occasional chunk taken up by sketches like the one he was previously drawing, though this was the first time he actually had Bill in front of him as he drew. Which wasn't really making much of a difference, because the alien really didn't seem the sit-still type. (Well, mostly he didn't. Did that hat hovering in midair over its head ever move from that precise position?)

"What do you mean they're different? They're the exact same arms I had a moment ago! Unless, did you want me to change them?" Bill offered, a glint that screamed danger entering that single eye and sending a shiver of dread down Dipper's back.

There were several possibilities that popped into Dipper's head at that moment, none of them particularly good, but the most prevalent one was the sudden thought of  _ tentacles, does he have fucking tentacles _ , and that was alarming enough.

"No!" He blurted quickly, just as sunflower coloured fingers started to darken. Immediately they bleeded back to yellow again, and Bill beamed, clapping excitedly.

"Excellent choice, little Pine Tree!"

Dipper shot the other a glare, before rolling his eyes and erasing the previous placing of Bill's arms, ignoring how shaky his hands suddenly felt. "Why would you even call me that?" He said, brow furrowed down at his woefully incomplete sketch. (No he was  _ not _ pouting.)

The sketch was a mess. He wasn't sure whether he hadn't drawn the nose yet, or Bill just  _ didn't have one _ . He kept having to count off what he had already done, (or tried to do) just so that he would know what he had yet to do.

Hair, check. (Was it hair, though? He wasn't sure. It looked blacker than india ink and thicker than tar, and he was pretty sure he'd seen the curls moving once.)

Eyebrows, check. (They weren't so much eyebrows, as thin spots on his goldenrod coloured skin, like purposefully placed freckles.)

Eyes, check. (Well, eye. He wondered if the alien only needed one, or if he just had terrible depth perception.) (His pupil didn't respond to the light like a cat's would. Dipper couldn't remember how snake eyes worked.)

General lack of body mass, check. (There was a very real possibility Bill was starving and planning to eat Dipper, hence the alien's skinniness and the way he eyed Dipper all the time, like a bird of prey staring down at a house sparrow.)

Human suit, check. (It was eerie, seeing a formal but otherwise normal outfit on a being with yellow skin and extra joints.)

Bowtie, check. (Did people still wear bowties?)

Top hat, check. (Okay, people  _ definitely  _ didn't still wear those. Right?)

Um…. Ear decor (?), check. (He wasn't entirely sure that the chains and shards of black glass were actually attached to ears. He just really hadn't nailed down what the alien had, or didn't have, yet.)

"Why would I call you Dipper if that's not your real name?" Came his reply eventually, and with a frustrated noise somewhere between a snarl and a whine, he buried his face in the pages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had an excuse for why this took such an ungodly amount of time to write and get up, but it took so long that I forgot it. I'm really sorry, though. I doubt anyone was really on the edge of their seat waiting, but I'm sorry I couldn't keep up my schedule so soon after making it.
> 
> In other news, the word of the day is obstreperous.
> 
> Thank you for reading, leave a comment if you like but don't feel obligated, (doing so will results in you owing me a favour and, trust me, this is never a good thing.) and have a nice day! Byeeeee!!

**Author's Note:**

> And that, Charlie Brown, is what Christmas is all about.
> 
> Anyhow, so yes, this is a Christmas present to all of you who may have deigned to read it. Or technically, this is the first chapter of it, really. There should be about ten to twelve chapters in all, and I'll try to stick to my old update schedule from Biting and Tasting, so one chapter every one or two weeks, roughly. Actual results may vary. But here's hoping? Feel free to leave a comment if you have an opinion on this.
> 
> Now without further ado, here's wishing you a happy Christmas and a merry new year! I hope that your holidays are filled with Billdip and cheer! And that you always remember: reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold, byeeeeeeeee!


End file.
